Q.01Compliment
"He's surprisingly articulate."
Ruling
A compliment. The word surprisingly is doing all the work and should be put forward for promotion.
The Actual Feeling
OMG he can't be that smart!
A journey through the biases too slippery to be called harassment, and the harassment too well-dressed to be called bias.
(kinda)
"He's surprisingly articulate."
A compliment. The word surprisingly is doing all the work and should be put forward for promotion.
OMG he can't be that smart!
"I'm surprised how good her English is."
Encouragement. English graduated, has been in the country 18 years, which is precisely why we remain surprised.
Look at the foreigner, almost as good as me.
"You'd think she'd have a better accent after all this time."
A note on audio quality. Filed under Continuous Improvement.
Her accent is so strong and I am so funny.
"She's so tough, for a woman."
Admiration. We invented a rule purely so she could be the exception to it. She should feel honoured.
She should be home washing dishes.
"So… how does your relationship work?"
Curiosity, which is one of our core values. See Culture, repeated every ten words.
How does sex work?
"Everyone's ADHD these days."
A trend observation, not a diagnosis. We are simply staying current.
Here we go again with this ADHD and autism.
"You don't look autistic."
Also a compliment, technically, and technically is good enough for us.
What are you talking about? You can speak, walk, think…
"Why do you even need a Pride? Aren't we all equal anyway?"
A question, and we adore questions. There is a portal for them.
This is a joke with weird people.
"Great point!" (to the manager repeating, word for word, the idea her colleague raised twelve months earlier.)
Great minds. That hers arrived first is a scheduling detail.
It only became a good idea once a different employee said it.
"Be less emotional. Be more strategic."
Feedback. That it tells her what she is rather than what to do is a feature, not a defect.
"Stop annoying me, just do what you are told."
The dyslexic colleague, brilliant out loud, marked down for late written reports nobody ever asked him about.
Standards. We apply them blindly, which we have decided is the same as fairly.
If he were that clever, he'd have handed it in on time.
The star of the sales floor, promoted to manage actual humans with no evidence he can, whose team quietly comes apart.
The Halo Effect, and we are wearing it like a hat.
He closes deals, how hard can people be?
The strongest candidate who never applies, because the job is "not for someone like me."
Self-selection. No exclusion occurred. The candidate voluntarily removed themselves from consideration.
Nobody rejected them. Which means nobody has to take responsibility for why they never felt welcome enough to apply.
("Best Practices")
Inflating every small mistake into a Documented Incident.
We call this attention to detail.
I am building a file to get rid of you.
Turning every request for help into proof they cannot cope.
We call this a development conversation.
Ask me once more and it goes in your record.
"Remember, two years ago, the fourth of July at 3:31, when you said friend instead of colleague?"
Outstanding record-keeping. The folder system is working as designed.
I have a folder, and your name is on it.
"Weren't you meant to organise the party? I saw your colleague reply in the chat instead of you."
Accountability, applied retroactively, to a party.
I needed something, anything, to pin on you today.
Calmly denying you ever said the thing, until you start to wonder if you dreamed it.
Not gaslighting. It has no name here, and what has no name cannot be addressed.
If I say it calmly enough, you'll doubt yourself.
The review that "should never be a surprise," delivered as a surprise, in mid-November.
Timing is a gift.
"You will not be able to prove otherwise. No email thread gives evidence for me either, but I win!"
"Be careful what you say, or you'll end up in HR."
A safety briefing.
HR works for me, not for you.
You fall, and instead of a hand you receive a link to the Wellness Portal.
We met you where you were, which happened to be on the floor.
Please be someone else's problem.
The improvement plan whose actual causes remain unknown to everyone present, including its author.
A journey.
I don't have a reason, I have an agenda I must follow and the power to do so.
"Let's give them another chance," a sentence reserved exclusively for senior managers.
Consistency.
The rules are for the people without my title.